Sunday, August 20, 2006

Getting back on track

It took a while for this post to be up.

You see, I was lost for a couple of months, and it took me a while to find my way back.

The organisation that I work for is an extremely dynamic one, and it has changed so much since the first day I joined the company. When I first started work, I was told that job rotation is being practised, and usually will take place after one year in my existing role.

Fast forward to 2006 : I had 2 role changes within 8 months. My first change took place in March, where I was supposed to back up a fellow collegue who was going on maternity. It was very tough having to juggle being the teacher to my new 'successor' and having to learn from my mentor something totally alien to me.

Then in July, my mentor returned to office, but now she was promoted as manager. I also took up another role within my new team. Even though the essence of the job is the same, there are still different areas to learn up. Again, I have to pass my job to another collegue, and learn up from my new mentor.

It was then that I got lost. Lost in the purpose of work, confused about life, and basically pressured, demoralised and demotivated. My workload was piling up, I was supposed to teach, and learn at the same time, but I wasn't doing anything like that at all. At first, I thought it was something temparory, but amazingly it didn't go away. And I couldn't figure out why I behave this way. When I tried to reason it out, I know it was NOT due to workload issues, so what else is affecting me this way?

A friend who was online suggested I do something different and stupid, like driving around town naked (like he did when he was in Genting). Erm, thanks but I guess take your OTHER suggestion to attempt to finish some TV series. I'll work on The O.C. instead :-)

It was strange having to ask the Divine One to diagnose me, when I don't even know what's wrong with me. But I'm sure He heard my prayers. It was during an informal chat session with one of the managers when I told her about my situation. She suggested that I speak to my manager to let her know about my situation. That evening, I scheduled a discussion for next week, and went home trying very hard to figure out what to tell my boss.

So it was then I slowly identified the root cause that was bothering me so much. It felt that a veil was lifted off me and now I could see again. So during my discussion with my manager early last week, I shared with her my situation, my thoughts, my worries. She was very understanding, and assured that she will do the necessary to help me out. It was after the discussion, I felt so much better, and then it struck me that I had so much work do to now :-(

During that course of time, I felt like I was a captain of a ship, being sent out to complete mission after mission. Even though I face different obstacles, I know I will always make it back home. But this time around, something went wrong, and I was stuck at sea, not knowing where to go. The crew didn't know that their captain was lost all this while. I was desparately trying to look for signs that can indicate the correct direction, but could not find any.

So one day, during midnight, I looked up to the sky, and see the stars above it, and found my sign. I was way off track! The world keeps on moving, but I fell behind because I got lost So now, I am building my confidence back, and leading my crew back on track, and hopefully we can reach home soon.

3 comments:

javatia said...

*hugs* you're a fantastic person and i hope things work out sooner than later!

Finding Hippo said...

I pity the fool that pranced around Genting naked... sounds like he/she had a good time though, which is really the whole point of life: to find meaning in the meaningless and mundane.

Alternatively, try copious amounts of alcohol and a little strip poker - the regret in the morning will usually smack some sense of gratitude into your head for the good things u have going for you in life.

ChinoDevean said...

Gambate!! Although yeah, you really should have some fun instead of workin all the time.