Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Path to End All Darkness

Been reading too many occurrence of suicides lately.

While I do not know the persons who committed those acts, one of them struck a chord in me.

The victim is in her mid-twenties. She was suffering from some sort of psychiatric condition for the past 12 years. In the end, she took her own life last week.

As I read some of her friends' blogs expressing their shock and sorrow for her sudden demise, most of them also wished her well, perhaps understanding her condition and why she took her own life - to end her torment with her inner demons.

What drives a person into suicide?

Some could be due to pressure, be it peer, financial, etc etc. Some could be due to disappointment, or could not accept the facts of life. Some could, in our eyes, be trivial stuff such as an argument with a loved one, or loss of 'face'.

I learned that what is trivial to other people may not be trivial to the person committing the act.

My family moved into a high-rise condominium many, many years ago. As we were living in a high-rise building, we didn't think it was necessary to have grills fixed around the house. During a particular time of my teenage years, I was feeling very depressed over relationship issues. There were occasions I would sit at the edge of my window at night, looking down and wondering if I will be saved by an angel should I jump down. I remember once I sat on the ledge in tears and telling my boyfriend over the phone what I was doing. Eventually, he managed to coax me to get back into my room.

When I think back of what would have happened, perhaps the dilemma I was facing wasn't so big after all. However, back then I was probably not mature enough to resolve my own problems.

Thank goodness I wasn't immature enough to actually jump down, thinking this is the only way to end it all.

Sometimes it is all being whether are you strong enough to face the adversity.

Faith plays as part as well.

My faith in God wasn't at its strongest then, and having being sheltered for a good part of my life left me unprepared to face relationship woes. Referring to the Bible, if Job didn't have faith in the Lord, he would have probably committed suicide as well. But he persevere and finally got his reward.

Some people may condemn those who committed suicide as selfish, for they may be gone, but the pain of their loved ones remained. I agree with that statement, for one of my reasons NOT to do it then was because I love my family a lot, and I didn't want them to be hurt just because of my actions. I never told them about this, but it's already been so many years, don't think it would be necessary for them to know anyway.

For anyone who ever even think of the word 'suicide' - Think again. We only have once chance in life on earth, why end it like that? Think again, and if in doubt, always pray.

My prayer goes out to this girl whom I never knew - CHiQ - Rest in Peace. I pray you may find eternal rest in Heaven, for you already suffered so much on Earth.

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