Sunday, March 21, 2010

Madness

I remember complaining about work back in January, and that I thought the internal audit was the biggest nightmare ever.

Then came February month-end.

In the midst of the audit and reconciliations, I was slapped with two more resignation letters from my key staff.

Nothing could ever prepared me for that type of adversity.

Already with one existing resignation in hand, staff shortage and everyone else was struggling, I really could not accept what was happening to me. To make things a little worse, hubby was overseas that time, I didn't have anyone to talk to. I cried my heart out to God, but at that time I could not find the comfort I was hoping for.

It took a lot of convincing from hubby, and a heart-to-heart talk from my first boss, two weeks back I was finally willing to move on from the wreck that I was previously. I've moved on, found a couple of people I'm hoping to hire soon and tried to be as focused as possible for the upcoming quarter close. Thank God for helping me get the people I need to do the job, now I pray that they will stay with the company.

However, now I found a part of me being angry all the time. The punishing schedule, the expectation to be on call 24-7, the heavy workload, the lack of time to manage staff, the never-ending audits, staff turnover - It all finally taken a toll on my perception of work and my company culture. Here am I doing my very best to manage everyone's expectations but physically and mentally I'm all drained out.

While I can say I still understand what is required for the better good of the company, my patience is wearing thin day by day. I could feel myself blow up at each mentioning of potential staff resignation. It's not right to lay blame or feel righteous, but why is it that they could not go through a tough period? Why quit so early? Is that how they live their lives? So if everyone keeps quitting, what happens next? Should certain re-organization activities be reconsidered? Could it have been a wrong strategic move but nobody wants to admit their mistake?

Then that's the big statement by HR saying that 99% staff leaves the company is due to the manager. So what have I done right? What have I done wrong? What I should have done instead? These questions always linger on my mind. Hubby always advise a good manager needs to know how to manager his/her staff. Perhaps I wasn't doing my job. But I have so many operational issues to handle, so many email to clear. It's a lousy excuse I know but it's a commonly used one anyway.

I have a few more internal audits to go, not directly but still will affect us, and a lot of new staff to train. All I can say is I'm not sure how long I can tolerate this madness.

Could I wait till next quarter where I was promised it will be better? Or will this madness drive me out first?

1 comment:

Lilium said...

Poor you YL. With God's strength, I hope you will be able to weather through the rough period. Just hope you will stay strong.